THE UNSPOKEN CONCERNS....
You know, I often wonder how FAQ pages on websites actually address the emotional content of what lies behind the question or concern. Sure, the questions are asked, are valid and all the rest of it, but what about those unspoken concerns, the thoughts /feelings people have, the unspoken that so often remains hidden? For instance:
I know I need to sort myself out: (but the truth is I don't know if I can face it).
I hate feeling like this. I just want to feel ok, happy, settled: (but I don't see or understand how counselling with you might help).
It's not my way to talk about personal things or feelings. It never has been. The family way was always 'just get on with it'. I don't do 'touchy-feely'. I've always relied on myself to sort things out: (I feel weak and pathetic coming for counselling).
I contacted you in the past and then did nothing about it: (I now feel a bit awkward about getting in touch again).
There are people much worse off than me: (I don't have a mental health problem).
I've always coped in the past: (asking for 'help' feels like an admission of failure).
Your What If's...... 'I don't like her, she doesn't like me, she thinks I'm mad or stupid, I feel worse, she doesn't understand me, she 'sees' things in me, I clam up, I get upset, I feel a complete and utter failure...............'
And so on. Yes, it's an awful dilemma - 'I want counselling versus I don't'. The problem with avoidance (and it comes in all shapes and sizes) is that it doesn't actually work. It may seem as if it does, for a while. But then it all comes back. Or it begins to leak out in obscure ways. And there you are, back to square one.
Our emotional health is just as important as our physical health. Perhaps more, in my view. They are interlinked. Stoically burying our heads in the sand often leads to emotionally 'breaking' sooner or later.
Poor emotional health (stress) attacks our immune systems.
A weakened immune system means we get ill. Eventually. Our emotional health impacts upon every aspect of our lives. In some ways our physical health can feel less problematic. At least it can be explained. But emotional health is hidden. It's more of a mystery. And we fear things we can't see or make sense of.
This fear can lead us to doing all kinds of things in an attempt to feel better / quell unwanted feelings. Thrashing around anxiously in an attempt to be appreciated, validated, approved of and loved takes many forms. Excessive working out, spending, working harder, being frantically busy, are just some of the ways we attempt to help ourselves. Yet, all the 'external' doing in the world doesn't really touch what's going on 'internally'. I often wonder about people secretly knowing this.
Without the support of a professional therapeutic relationship it is nigh on impossible to see the obscure ways in which we unknowingly contribute towards our own difficulties, dilemmas and life-long struggles.
Sometimes it can feel really difficult to start. Contact is made and then broken. It's ok. It really is. You will know when you feel ready. As I've said, it is often a case of 'I want to versus I don't'.
Coming for counselling is not a soft-option. Yes, it's supportive and yes, it's often experienced as a huge relief to be understood at a deeper level. But it also takes strength to look at ourselves and the parts we play in life.
Acknowleging that things aren't great isn't admitting defeat. It's admitting that you are taking charge of your life.
Admission of failure? Weak? In practice it's actually quite the reverse.
You know, this whole business of 'facing it' does not have to be such a dread. I've worked with literally hundreds of people who experienced counselling as such a blessed relief, a way to emotionally understand themselves in a way they never knew possible, a way to finally let go of the internal baggage, a way to finally understand WHY.
They get some control back, they start to see how they impact on others, how others impact on them and why, they understand the ways in which their symptom (be that depressive feelings, anxiety, eating problems, obsessing, excessive behaviour, anger and literally hundreds of others) is a way of masking something very important. They let go of the di(stress), struggle and pain.
I'm trained to understand how experiences impact and shape who we become.
I'm trained to understand the psychology of human beings. To understand how men and women struggle and suffer in their different ways. To understand life stages and what they stir up in all of us. To understand the impact of ageing, whatever your age. To understand what your actions, thoughts and feelings might really be about. To understand the human condition.
Meeting for an initial introductory session is a chance for you to see how it feels. We can think about what would be best, what you feel is important for you right now. How the first sesson feels is really important. You need to be with someone who you sense 'gets you'.
You lead the way. Not me. However, if I don't feel I'm best placed to help, I will say so.
