How are you?
It has come to be the question most dreaded.
There are times when we say we’re fine, and we’re not. Now may be that time for you. Because loss and the grief can’t be fixed, can they? And so, we tend to stop talking about it. We try to stop feeling about it too, but that’s harder.
People ask you how you are. Just what are you supposed to answer? Where do you you even begin. And why would you tell them anyway? It might make you feel worse. Or they may just not get it. And them ‘not getting it’ will be glaringly obvious to you.
A very private suffering
We grieve alone mostly. Friends can be incredible. Family too. But there’s something about grief that’s very lonely, very private. 3.00am is extremely lonely and private.
What happens to all those private feelings? Where does the pain go? And the anger - how much that burns inside at times.
You may not feel pain. You may feel a sense of numbness, as if everything is meaningless and futile. But the prospect of trying to explain all this feels overwhelming. Because you know that’s not what they want to hear. They want you to be getting better.
Empty and lost
Your feelings are valid. They are telling you the truth. The emptiness is real. The rage is real.
Whether it’s your child leaving home, the end of your relationship, a medical diagnosis, the death of a loved one, the end of an era - your feelings are real.
So often we try to deny our grief. We try to move on. Pull ourselves together. Get on with it. And all the rest of the sayings.
A special space
Although logic may tell us that our loss can’t be fixed, and our feelings are natural - we don’t always realise just how important therapeutic support can be.
In times like this we don’t bounce back. We can’t. There’s too deep an impact.
The reality is this - we all need a special space to adjust to what has happened. This space allows you the room to grieve in your own way. It may be that your loss occurred a very long time ago - it may have been stored up for all these years, until now. If there are words, you have a safe space to share them. Words matter. They soothe. They heal. When we speak our grief, something shifts inside us.
Try a counselling session
Counselling is a special space. Even though we are not physically in the same room, we can still be connected. I use FaceTime or WhatsApp video. Or if you prefer, good old fashioned phone call sessions.
You might like my special Facebook page. Counselling Women Through Grief .
You can contact me to ask anything. I’m here Send me an email Or phone me: 07342 652090